Anger issues?
 |
| Credits: Google |
Violence.
Hey guys. You must be wondering, why the hell is that bold and italic word doing up there to open up a post, right? If you're not, then, I have no right to ask you to think in any way that I want.
I'm actually very confused as to why violence or abuse, if it may be used in the same concept, is even a form of releasing pent up stress or anger. I mean i get it. Anger and stress is something frustrating and there are days where i wish that i could stab people or even just shove their heads into a wall. But then again, with me, its merely thoughts. They are harmless. But to others, those thoughts are made into actions and some people are on the receiving end.
Sadly, I've been on the receiving end. Being in an abusive relationships was one of the hardest things i had to survive in. There were good days, but the days that i struggled with the pain and bruises overpower beyond the good ones. I mean, i'm used to pain, being hit but when its done by someone who could barely contain their anger because you said some advice that they just don't want to hear, thats ridiculous. And to think that its been years past the day we went separate ways and even now, when we meet just for a talk, his hands still make its way to my cheeks.
I don't get it. I'm sadistic, yeah. I like watching fights and gory stuff in the movies. I can relate to the satisfaction and smug grin on the actors faces each time they get to throw a punch. But you put it into real life, why would you lay your hands on the people you said you loved? Why would you lay a hand on a girl that is barely promised to be your wife? Why? I doubt its love. That is just pure abuse to satisfy such a sick beast or monster in oneself. Did i get that wrong?
For a long time now, i wondered why i had let it all happen. I wondered how i lived with it for months, being treated like a punching bag. I wondered how i managed to convinced myself that every time he hit me, he'd regret it and never repeat it again. I wondered how i made myself believe that i still loved him and he did it because he loved me and i had wronged him. I wondered how i made myself believe that in those months, i deserved everything he did to me. And then i wondered, why didn't i tell my friends sooner than later about the things i was dealing with?
For months after everything happened, i hugged myself, and cried myself to sleep. I wondered how such a nice human being, raised by perfectly amazing parents became a monster simply because i let him do as he pleased. I wonder how many other girls out there were going through the same shit that i did. I wonder how many of us actually survived to reflect on it.
All I'm saying is, why hit the person you love? You love them right? So opt for another way to vent your anger. Play a video game, talk it out like decent human beings, sleep on it or better yet, ask yourself if its worth being angry about. I've had my fair share of anger and i've had nights where i'd rather just kill myself. But i chose to cry it out, think it through -which usually lead sot me torturing myself with my own thoughts- and then finally share it with a friend whom you can trust with your life.
Violence and abuse is out there. And you can never tell, who is going through it unless they choose to walk out of the house, no make-up on and baring all bruises. Who knows, that pretty girl with the perfect makeup sitting next to you on the bus, she might have bruises under all that makeup and each time she closes the house door, her nightmare begins.
I'm actually very confused as to why violence or abuse, if it may be used in the same concept, is even a form of releasing pent up stress or anger. I mean i get it. Anger and stress is something frustrating and there are days where i wish that i could stab people or even just shove their heads into a wall. But then again, with me, its merely thoughts. They are harmless. But to others, those thoughts are made into actions and some people are on the receiving end.
Sadly, I've been on the receiving end. Being in an abusive relationships was one of the hardest things i had to survive in. There were good days, but the days that i struggled with the pain and bruises overpower beyond the good ones. I mean, i'm used to pain, being hit but when its done by someone who could barely contain their anger because you said some advice that they just don't want to hear, thats ridiculous. And to think that its been years past the day we went separate ways and even now, when we meet just for a talk, his hands still make its way to my cheeks.
I don't get it. I'm sadistic, yeah. I like watching fights and gory stuff in the movies. I can relate to the satisfaction and smug grin on the actors faces each time they get to throw a punch. But you put it into real life, why would you lay your hands on the people you said you loved? Why would you lay a hand on a girl that is barely promised to be your wife? Why? I doubt its love. That is just pure abuse to satisfy such a sick beast or monster in oneself. Did i get that wrong?
For a long time now, i wondered why i had let it all happen. I wondered how i lived with it for months, being treated like a punching bag. I wondered how i managed to convinced myself that every time he hit me, he'd regret it and never repeat it again. I wondered how i made myself believe that i still loved him and he did it because he loved me and i had wronged him. I wondered how i made myself believe that in those months, i deserved everything he did to me. And then i wondered, why didn't i tell my friends sooner than later about the things i was dealing with?
For months after everything happened, i hugged myself, and cried myself to sleep. I wondered how such a nice human being, raised by perfectly amazing parents became a monster simply because i let him do as he pleased. I wonder how many other girls out there were going through the same shit that i did. I wonder how many of us actually survived to reflect on it.
All I'm saying is, why hit the person you love? You love them right? So opt for another way to vent your anger. Play a video game, talk it out like decent human beings, sleep on it or better yet, ask yourself if its worth being angry about. I've had my fair share of anger and i've had nights where i'd rather just kill myself. But i chose to cry it out, think it through -which usually lead sot me torturing myself with my own thoughts- and then finally share it with a friend whom you can trust with your life.
Violence and abuse is out there. And you can never tell, who is going through it unless they choose to walk out of the house, no make-up on and baring all bruises. Who knows, that pretty girl with the perfect makeup sitting next to you on the bus, she might have bruises under all that makeup and each time she closes the house door, her nightmare begins.
Comments
Post a Comment