Troubles and Worries
I just have to really write this down. Its really been circling my mind the moment this conversation happened with this amazing friend of mine. I just had to blog it down. So if this amazing friend reads this, and you know who you are, please do understand this is what i felt through out the conversation we had.
I believe that i always carry myself with much confidence. I don't know how, but i try to make myself believe it everyday. I try to make people believe that i don't really care what other people think of me and that they can just speak their mind and it would not affect me one bit. But tonight, i realised, that maybe, just maybe, all those things i try to make myself believe, like i was really unaffected, came crashing down. I realised that their words do affect me. Sometimes more than they should. And i am nowhere near that confident girl that i show everybody. I am just as scared as everybody else. I guess i grew up hiding things. Hiding ME. But tonight. thanks amazing friend for reminding me that sometimes what we see in the mirror and how we feel about ourselves is not the same as how other people see us. That sometimes, the real us slips and other people see it and they find us to be an awesome person. You said, " Dude, you're really awesome. (: Start seeing yourself like that, really. " And it got me thinking, what have i been seeing myself like? I've been degrading myself, thinking i'll never be enough. Thinking that nobody will like me for who i am. Cause i've been sucked into depression before and i was so close to being sucked in again. I know how being depressed feels like, i didnt like it but somehow this time, it seemed like i almost embraced it willingly. But you made me think twice about it and i have to thank you. After so long, the tears that i always held back, the tears that i never wanted anyone to see finally came along. I just couldn't believe anyone had that much faith in me and it was so unappreciative of me to never notice. I know my thoughts are all jumbled up cause there are jsut too many things that i'm thinking about right now. But all i need to really say is THANK YOU.
I believe that i always carry myself with much confidence. I don't know how, but i try to make myself believe it everyday. I try to make people believe that i don't really care what other people think of me and that they can just speak their mind and it would not affect me one bit. But tonight, i realised, that maybe, just maybe, all those things i try to make myself believe, like i was really unaffected, came crashing down. I realised that their words do affect me. Sometimes more than they should. And i am nowhere near that confident girl that i show everybody. I am just as scared as everybody else. I guess i grew up hiding things. Hiding ME. But tonight. thanks amazing friend for reminding me that sometimes what we see in the mirror and how we feel about ourselves is not the same as how other people see us. That sometimes, the real us slips and other people see it and they find us to be an awesome person. You said, " Dude, you're really awesome. (: Start seeing yourself like that, really. " And it got me thinking, what have i been seeing myself like? I've been degrading myself, thinking i'll never be enough. Thinking that nobody will like me for who i am. Cause i've been sucked into depression before and i was so close to being sucked in again. I know how being depressed feels like, i didnt like it but somehow this time, it seemed like i almost embraced it willingly. But you made me think twice about it and i have to thank you. After so long, the tears that i always held back, the tears that i never wanted anyone to see finally came along. I just couldn't believe anyone had that much faith in me and it was so unappreciative of me to never notice. I know my thoughts are all jumbled up cause there are jsut too many things that i'm thinking about right now. But all i need to really say is THANK YOU.
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